Coming Out to Conservative Friends
We’ve all been in this situation … you’ve been debating with yourself back in forth about whether or not to come out to your friends. Suddenly your head is filled with images of one of your friends making a gay joke, or the stupid homophobic comment that an acquaintance made the other day. This can make you doubt your decision to come out. Because really, who in their right mind would ever want to come out to a group of people who’s idea of humor is calling someone a “faggot?”
But the sad fact is that if coming out were easy, you’d already have done it by now. If all you had to do was stand in the middle of a room full of drag queens and broadway showtune fanatics and admit that you were gay, there’d be no need for this discussion. What makes coming out so difficult is knowing the adversity you have to face, not only from the outside world, but from people who you know and care about.
In there end, there are two types of closed-minded people … there are people who are prejudiced and bigoted and will always be prejudiced and bigoted. And then there are the people who just don’t know any better. This second group can often be swayed with a little education and TLC.
Let’s assume that your friends just don’t know any better. Because let’s face it, if your friends are truly prejudiced and bigoted, you’re better off without them. Don’t make excuses for them! It doesn’t matter if they were raised in a small town or are very religious. Open-minded people can come from all walks of life. And with a little help, your friends can learn to see the error of their ways.
- Don’t be afraid to be yourself. Don’t kid yourself. On some subconscious level, your friends probably already know you’re gay. Even if they don’t know, they know it. They’ve stuck with you even though you don’t play football, or you complain during long trips to the mall. These are people who already like you for who you are. When you come out, be sure to explain that you are the same fantastic person you always were. Remind them that nothing has changed.
- Call them out on their fears. Of course you want to come out as gingerly as possible, but don’t be afraid of a little confrontation. If your friends have something to say about homosexuals, listen to what they have to say. And then explain to them why they are wrong.
- Educate. It may be obvious to you that gay jokes are offensive, or that certain terms are derogatory, but your friends just may not realize the hurtfulness behind their words. Tell them what comments or jokes you find to be hurtful.
- Find your allies. There is strength in numbers. Ask one of your more liberal and open-minded friends for help. They can help to show the others that there is nothing to fear is being friends with you.
- Don’t Back Down. You are who you are, and once you come out you can’t take it back. Don’t try to back-peddle or hide who you are in order to make others more comfortable. If your friends are really your friends, they’ll come around. Just be patient.
